Big Shout Out to Brother Gatt on the launch of his new online journal/blog Gatts-Voice. He's got some new stuff up I haven't read yet. Drawing from an inexhaustible supply of good memories from back in the day, he had me laughing as well as feeling a little sentimental when I think of all the crazy things we used to do, from egging to all the sports and games we used to play or just make up on the spot. Who can forget the games of barbarian basketball, where we combined football and basketball and played it on ice, no dribbling, just get to the basket any way you could. It got brutal out there, but that was the point. There was also the infamous box game, which would be impossible to explain if you weren't there, but it involved sitting in the vestibule of someone else's apartment building on a cold night with nothing else to do, a hard pack of Marlboros, and a combination of skill and timing and manual dexterity that was something to behold. I still don't know why it's not an Olympic sport.Who can forget the album deals, where we would sit around and try to trade the albums you didn't want anymore for the ones you did want but that at the moment belonged to someone else. It involved a lot of bluffing and playing up that crappy, unlistenable Gregg Allman Live double album you were dying to get rid of, but you couldn't let it be known that you didn't want it anymore, because that would drive the value of the record lower. Sometimes there would be mega multi-album deals that would involve arbitration from a third, objective party. Someone would say something like, Hey Mike, would you tell this dude his Frampton's Camel album sucks the big one and I'm just taking it back as a throw-in. And no, I am n
ot giving the Admiral back anything by Jimi Hendrix, even if I have Crash Landing twice; I'm saving that for another deal but I can part with this Robin Trower album... It's hard to explain how much time we spent trading those same 10 albums back and forth among ourselves. Somebody was always trying to trade that awful Gregg Allman Tour record with the 24-piece orchestra. I wonder who ultimately got stuck with it...Also entering the blog biz is my bud Paul Ska down in FLA. His site is called pabloscyclingworld and it details his cycling exploits. Hard to believe it's been 13 years since that fateful May day back in 1993 when we set forth for Central Park, me riding on your old Schwinn, which later came to be known as the Silver Streak, and you manning the black Ross. That Schwinn weighed about 50 pounds, and your Ross was already old back then, but they got the job done until I bought my Trek 720 white hybrid with the Gear-Shift on the handlebars and you plucked down the cash for a blue Specialized Allez from Roberts Bicycles in Woodhaven, I believe. Remember the guy at the shop who said no test rides, no exceptions? Good luck with your blog and safe riding. I'll never forget our rides to Long Beach, meeting on the Brooklyn side of the bridge, riding the monorail at Coney Island, the Hamptons, Fort Lee, Roosevelt Island, Staten Island, meeting before work at 6:30am for a quick ride down Astoria Park, finding that bike track in Rhode Island, biking back from the Hair Club at Midnight, a couple in the chamber, my friend...
..Shout outs to Kate and Holly, my fellow finalists for the coveted America's Next Top Model pool. Good luck ladies, but I have plans to take home that bucket -- well, not the bucket, but the 80 bucks or so sitting in it. Too bad Bob's girl Amanda, his third choice might I add, was unceremoniously bounced from the proceedings last Wednesday. All his notes couldn't help him this time. What was he thinking when he chose Amanda over Melrose when he had the chance. I'm still not feelin
g all that confident in Eugenia, my selection -- beautiful as she is -- versus Holly's girl CariDee and Kate's Melrose, because I think a white girl is gonna win this year. I don't think they're gonna go black two years in a row. Just my politically incorrect opinion. Then again, I am on a bit of a roll. Last week I won all three side bets, so I didn't have to put even a dollar in the bucket. The tension is building. Good luck to you both, and see you next Wednesday for the finale. Try not to bum us out, Bob; remember you won last year. And Holly, you already won the 5 bucks for having your first pick last the longest. So really me or Kate should win. But who said life is fair? Not me...Question for Big Mike: Bob Andrew wants to know why you didn't include that photo of him popping a wheelie on his Schwinn circa 1973-74 in your online slide show? He said he saw it in the album you brought to the reunion. Tell you what, Mike, if you find that one or any others we haven't seen, shoot 'em over to me and I will play it up nice on a future post for all to see. Thanks again for all the hard work you did getting the old pics together.
The one & only Larry King's last column for USA Today was way back in 2001, and not only has the world never been quite the same ever since, but who has truly come close to matching the wit and wisdom of those great dot-dot-dot columns of his? Nobody, that's who, but it hasn't stopped a legion of folks from trying. I remember those priceless National Lampoon parodies of King's prose -- so on target that they became virtually indistinguishable from the master's own musings. King would lurch from topic to topic, from the mundane to the profane to the sacred ... separated only by those trademark ellipses -- pontificating on politics, world affairs, sports, literature, interspersed with things like what he ate for lunch and who he would like to be stranded with on a proverbial desert island. I dedicate the rest of this post to the Czar of the Non Sequitur ... Larry King. You paved the way for us all ... Lawrence Harvey Zeiger ... we follow humbly in your suspender straps...
The late Ed Bradley did a great job reporting on 60 Minutes for all those years, even if I thought the gold earring did look a little silly in later years ... Now I feel guilty because who am I to judge, life being so short and all ... My father died of the same thing, the Big L, leukemia, and so I know it's no walk in the park ... Caught the Enron documentary, The Smartest Guys in the Room, the other night, and it was gripping right from the start. Imagine if George W. Bush ran a Fortune 500 company and you start to get a picture of the ethical mess Enron was. To say the business was a house of cards doesn't do justice to card-built domiciles everywhere ... Even if your eyes glaze over at the mere mention of Enron, trust me, this is a story about people, about corruption at the highest levels, of Ken Lay & Doug Fastow and Jeffrey Skilling, and not so much about cold facts or numbers or statistics ... In fact, surprisingly, the star of the show turns out to be Fortune Magazine reporter Bethany McLean, one of the first to see chinks in the armor of what was once the world's seventh largest company and who is very, very easy on the eyes, thank you very much with a great voice -- soft and sweet but not too baby-ish, which can make you a little sick sometimes. She reminds me a lot of a smarter version of Pam from the hit series The 
Office ...... I have met very few people from Long Island who weren't devout racists; there are towns on Long Island that are as entrenched and as prejudiced as the deepest parts of the Old South ... My all-time favorite top 10 situation comedies (sitcoms) are: Taxi, Barney Miller, Cheers, Honeymooners, Odd Couple, Seinfeld, Get Smart, Andy Griffith, Dick Van Dyke and King of Queens, followed closely by Mary Tyler Moore, That Girl, Family Affair, All in the Family, Gomer Pyle, Sanford & Son, F Troop, the Munsters, Addams Family, the Single Guy, Mayberry RFD, Mr. Ed, MASH, The Office, Herman's Head, The Beverly Hillbillies, Hogan's Heroes, Open All Night and Becker ... Did you see where Jesse Jackson wants a boycott of the Seinfeld Season 7 DVD? That's crazy on a whole lot of levels, but there is no real reason to purchase a box set of a sitcom that is on TV about 10 times a day as it is. On the other hand, if someone wants to buy it, why should the rest of the cast be punished for what Michael Richards does 10 years after the show is off the air? ... And speaking of Jesse Jackson, I once heard him give a speech at Stanford University back in 1988, a few weeks before the presidential election between Bush Senior and Michael Dukakis. Jackson, himself a candidate that year, kept the crowd waiting for almost two hours that day, but you don't hear me calling for a blanket boycott of black candidates ... It's always best to take the high road in these kinds of matters.
...I believe that constantly biting one's fingernails is caused by an insatiable quest for unattainable symmetry. Think about it and get back to me on this one ... Fox 5 weekend sports anchor Reischea Canidate is not only the best, most knowledgeable sports reporter in the New York local market, but she also is very, very cute to look at and has a great voice; she hosts the Sports Extra show on Sunday nights that old Bill Mazer had for years and years. I think Ms. Canidate will be soon be moving on to bigger and better things, at least if I have anything to say about it...
...I had a recent dream where I was the new lead singer of alt-country band the Old 97s. I was replacing Rhett Miller, but in the dream I only knew the words to two or three of the songs and we were due to go onstage in 10 minutes. Also complicating matters was the fact that I had to take a real bad piss but couldn't find a bathroom where I could find the privacy to go. You see, I'm a stall guy in real life because I don't like exposing my penis in public unless it's by special request, and in the dream I kept walki
ng around the stadium unable to find suitable arrangements. Then I woke up, and here I am ... I always wondered what happened to the actress Meg Tilly, who was in The Big Chill and had a few other roles before kind of fading from sight mysteriously a la J.D. Salinger. I always had a huge, tremendous crush on her, and I'm sure I'm not the only one from my demographic who finds her absolutely stunning. Well, I was killing some time in the Barnes & Noble on 23rd Street last week and stumbled upon a children's book she wrote. Turns out she's living in Canada and writing and raising a family. Good for her, except there goes my chance to be Mr. Tilly. Or something ... Also caught a shot of Renee Zellweger in The New York Post walking around Madison Avenue in Manhattan. I swear I would go right up to her and ask her out. She's probably still feeling down after her marriage to that country singer fell apart after like a week. What was she thinking? I believe I could honestly cheer her up if she gave me half a chance. In other words I would "settle" for Renee now that Meg is off the market...
...In Tony Romo's worst game this year, coming in for the start of the second half to relieve the ineffective Drew Bledsoe against the Giants six weeks ago, remember that he did throw for 227 yards and 2 TDs in just two quarters, but the 3 INTs marred the performance. In Romo's five starts since then, his Q
B rating was over 100 in four of the games, and he was NFL Player of the Week twice. Very thorough article in Friday's USA Today on Romo's unique relationship with coach Bill Parcells......The best ice cream I have ever tasted in a long lifetime as an ice cream aficionado is the new Original Mayan Chocolate from Haagen-Dazs. It's so good I had it three times this week, just to make sure I could make that claim unequivocally on this blog. And it was worth it, even though my cholesterol level now is probably close to Rod Carew's career batting average. In fact, between you, me and a dog named Boo, I would switch political parties if it meant getting to taste its delightful heavenly cocoa bouquet again. I'm not proud of it, just being honest... If I had to guess, I would say the intentionally demeaning sobriquet asshole is the cause of more fights than any other choice of verbiage. I almost got into a physical confrontation with a bike messenger the other day on Fifth Avenue. He ran a red light, I called him an asshole for doing so, and then he got all in my face asking me what I said. In all my years of commuting to work by bike, I never ran through a crowd of pedestrians unless I had the light. I just stared him down, not giving him the satisfaction, and held my ground until he got tired of asking me to repeat what I had said and rode away. What an asshole! ... If there really is reincarnation, I've decided I want to come back as a sidewinder snake. No real reason; I just like
the way they move all sideways like and how they carry themselves. Plus most people seem to be afraid of venomous snakes. So I'd have that advantage going for me to start with this time around ... But when it comes to advantages in life, you could do far worse than being a pampered puppy in a household that can afford to spend $18,000 on a leather pet carrier. I told you I came across this accessory when I worked at V a few weeks ago, and now I will provide the link to it in case you think I make stuff up. I'm still shocked at how rich people feel the need to waste large sums of money on overpriced stuff that serves no real need. Put the pooch in a fucking gym bag and let's move on. I mean, I could pay my rent for almost two years for the cost of one of these. And it's not as if the dog knows it's being pampered and isn't gonna crap all over the place the next chance it gets anyway. What's next, an Italian marble designer litterbox condominium for your special, gifted little pussycat? Rich people, they're so fucking precious, but how would they feel if I carried my pet crocodile in an authentic leather dog-skin reptile carrier? Not so good, I'm guessing ... not so good.
25 comments:
Sorry Barry, it's Caridee all the way!
Ah, I like to see that confidence, Holly. But it's Eugenia in a close one, followed by Melrose and CariDee. I can just taste it...
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I got a call from my insurance today. I was in an accident and looks like I am mainly at fault. They wanted a recorded testimony on the phone. I gave them one. They told me a lawyer contacted them. I asked if I had enough coverage for this. The response, you have nothing to worry about! When a lawyer first contacts an insurance company do they tell them what they want as a settlement?
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