Thursday, December 18, 2008

Six Flick Picks Plus Mannix


The Independent -- Didn't even know this 2000 film existed, but this satire of indie movie-making stars Jerry Stiller as Morty Fineman, a washed-up director looking to finance one last film, and Janeane Garofalo as his estranged daughter. In spots it was laugh-out-loud funny, which has always been my personal favorite kind of funny. After all, why hold it in? Perhaps I'm dating myself in some strange way, but give me a movie with 90 minutes of Jerry Stiller over any amount of time with his son Ben Stiller (who makes a mercifully brief appearance in this movie) any day of the week and twice on Sunday. The best moments here come via a faux retrospective of Director Fineman's more tasteless works, movies with titles like Ms. Kevorkian and Bald Justice. The Independent at its best holds its own with mockumentaries like Waiting for Guffman and A Mighty Wind, if not as consistently brilliant, and effective cameos by the likes of Andy Dick, John Lydon and Fred Williamson help carry a film well worth checking out, especially if like me you can find it for free in your local public library, and let's face it public libraries are by far the best kind of library.

Before The Devil Knows You're Dead -- Loved this movie on so many levels. Didn't even know it was by the legendary Sidney Lumet until I looked at the cover AFTER I had watched this terrific caper-gone-wrong movie. Lumet, of course, only made some of the great motion pictures of all time (Serpico, Dog Day Afternoon, 12 Angry Men). As in 2003's underrated Owning Mahowny, Philip Seymour Hoffman again plays a down-on-his-luck embezzler trying desperately to maintain his lifestyle and, more importantly, keep his young wife, played by George Costanza's fantasy woman Marisa Tomei. In fact, the first shot in the film is a real attention grabber: Tomei getting fucked up the ass by Hoffman. How European! How French New Wave circa 1968! Anyway, I imagine this is one case where Hoffman probably said to the director, "No need for the stunt double here, Sid baby; let me take a few whacks at this scene myself." After getting your attention carnally, the rest of the movie unfolds in effective but predictable ways, then this 2007 release gets all History of Violence on us as a desperate Phil Hoffman tries to shoot his way out of the mess he's gotten himself and little brother Ethan Hawke into. The mess involves a poorly planned and badly executed jewelry store heist, a half-assed cover-up and a no-turning-back-now denouement that leaves the by-now-all-too-familiar American cinematic backdraft of blood splashed across the screen serving as plot cleaner-upper.

A Shot in the Dark -- The 1964 movie that cemented the Inspector Clouseau franchise may be the funniest of the series. The Pink Panther itself was also released in 1964, before the concept was put on hold until being resurrected to perfection for the 1970s. More to the point, Shot in the Dark is vintage Peter Sellers, who quite simply cannot not be funny. 1964 was a pretty good year for Peter Sellers, seeing the release of these two Pink Panther films as well as a little movie called Dr. Strangelove. If you're not amused by Sellers' Clouseau, just turn in your Blockbuster card and your DVD remote.

Inspector Clouseau -- This 1968 take on the bumbling French detective does not feature Peter Sellers in the title role, nor is it directed by Blake Edwards. Instead, it's American actor Alan Arkin aping many of the same mannerisms and tics that Sellers employed, but unfortunately to little comedic effect. Somehow this movie should be funnier than it is, but the Alan Arkin of The In-Laws, Catch-22 and Simon -- some of my all-time favorite films -- is nowhere to be found.

The Big Clock -- This classic had until now somehow escaped me. No longer. Like most movies of the Film Noir genre, the plot involves a guy getting framed for a murder he didn't commit, but nobody believes his innocence, least of all the coppers, except maybe his dame, so he's forced to try to solve the crime himself and catch the crooks before the whole sticky web closes in on him. What helps to set this movie apart is the cast, the acting, and the script. Little things like that. Ray Milland is good as the newspaper writer trying to clear his name, but Charles Laughton steals scene after scene as an eccentric publisher making sure that doesn't happen.

Annie Hall -- Back in 1978 when Annie Hall came out, it was hailed as one of the first serious Woody Allen movies, and looking back it was indeed a transition from almost surreal comedies like Take the Money & Run, Sleepers and Bananas to the relationship-based Manhattan and Hannah & Her Sisters. My verdict 30 years later is that Time has not served the Woodman all that well. From Diane Keaton's iconic '70s wardrobe to the director's even-then-shopworn bag of cleverly presented neuroses, the film has its share of charming moments, even though the Allen character comes off as a repressed, shallow putz. His constant griping about Annie Hall having to smoke pot before sleeping with him comes off as just plain nagging. I mean, who can blame her if she needs a little self-medication before a sexual encounter with the Woodman. The very notion of a schlemiel like Woody Allen cast as a leading man in a romantic comedy is perhaps his lasting contribution to pop culture.

Mannix: Season One -- Anyone who like yours truly was born around 1960 has to remember Joe Mannix, a blue collar James Bond played like he was born for the role by Mike Connors. Tough guy Mannix punched out bad guys and foiled up-to-no-good spies over the course of 60 suspenseful minutes every week on TV. For some reason my local library has entire seasons of cop shows like Cannon, Jake & the Fat Man and Streets of San Francisco on DVD, but I liked Mannix far better than all of them, even though it's likely I haven't actually seen an episode since junior high school. Well, I pulled the 6-disc set off the shelf, and even though I had a week to return it, I barely made it through the first two shows. Unlike, say, classic Kojaks, Mannix has held up worse than an electric blue leisure suit and has stood the test of time worse than a broken Timex. It was dated and not in a good way like the first few years of The Odd Couple, which are emblematic of the period. The problem could be that in 1967, the show had yet to cast Gail Fisher as Peggy, Mannix's young, attractive and black assistant, but so much more. Not sure what year she came aboard the series, but she's nowhere to be found here in Season One. Mannix ran until 1974, so I'd be interested in the later seasons as an exercise in pure nostalgia, but even in 1967 the show had the catchy theme music and great opening sequence.

Bonus: Kojak Season One
I canceled my satellite dish a few years ago and never got cable so I don't know if this show is currently running anywhere on cable. But the picture quality on this show is unbelievable. Yes, there are no extras per se and no booklet or extra info included, but the teleplays themselves are the thing! Great plots, a lot goes by that you miss, so watching an episode a second time is not a waste of time. Season One was filmed entirely on location and so has great views of 1970s New York City. The character actors and guest stars are also first rate. All in all, an awesome package. Put me down for the second season. Watched about 12 or 13 of the episodes over the first 3 or 4 days I had the set. Being Greek-American, it gives me goosebumps when I hear Greek being spoken or references to his Greek heritage. Yasou! Again, great colors. Remember, this show was on in the early '70s, so before cable and digital. This is like watching the show all over again for the first time! Again, the best DVD purchase I ever made, even better than seeing The Twilight Zone on DVD. Season One highlights include a villainous James Woods and menacing Harvey Keitel foolishly butting heads with Theo Kojak.

See also:

Grizzly, man...

More Buscemi
Please

Saluting Bruno

Desultory Row


Shoot 'Em Ups

Friday, December 05, 2008

Schadenfreund Friday





















SO THIS IS HOW
the once-promising NFL career of Plaxico Burress will officially end: with a bang AND a whimper -- the bang of his unlicensed Glock going off in a Manhattan nightclub, the whimper of the inevitable forthcoming plea bargain to stay out of jail...

...Looks like Burress will finally be getting the "street cred" that was so important to him...

...Then again, begging for mercy didn't exactly help O.J. Simpson get any time off at his sentencing today for his robbery/kidnapping conviction:
Before being sentenced an emotional Simpson apologized for his actions in a soft, hoarse voice and begged Clark County Judge Jackie Glass for leniency. "I didn't want to steal from anyone," said Simpson, whose lawyers sought the minimum sentence of 6-to-17 years. "I'm sorry, sorry." Glass was unmoved. The judge called the crime a "very violent event ... Guns were brought. At least one gun was drawn. The potential for harm to occur in that room was tremendous."
...In a near-perfect convergence of karmic retribution, the former football great received his verdict 13 years to the day he was acquitted of murdering his ex-wife Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman in the so-called Trial of the Century. But that was the 20th century, this is the 21st, and "The Juice" can no longer outrun his accusers the way he once leaped over defenders in the NFL and then automobiles in those famous 1970s car rental commercials...

...Sports may no longer be the great escape from our everyday trials and tribulations that it used to be...

...But reveling in other people's misfortune and misery is still our true national pastime...

...The enterprising ones can still find new ways to sell it all back to us. Take The New York Post, which in one amazing Wednesday cover story seemed determined to, ahem, plumb new depths in trashy tabloid titillation, thank you very very much:
















Inside the notorious, conservative-leaning publication, spread across two pages, we learn more gory details of the murder as well as juicy inside S&M stuff, like what the comely Edythe Maa, a k a Mistress Jade, was into (and not into) while she plied the tools of her oft-trying trade: "The petite dominatrix specializes in tickle torture, nipple play and 'sissy slut training' as well as forced feminization, medical play and genital torture" -- but the former Ivy Leaguer draws the line at what the paper calls "age play, nudity, face-sitting or 'intimate activity of any sort' (or) anything that hurts animals" because, after all, a lady has to have some standards...

...Worst display of Holiday Spirit in sports: Coach Jeff Fisher, with his Titans leading 44-10 late over hapless Detroit, decides to challenge a 20-yard pass completion by the Lions. Then, getting booed by the few remaining Detroit faithful, he raises his arms and waves humorlessly at the stands. I mean, I've heard of focus, but have a heart, coach...

...With just 4 games remaining, it sure doesn't look like the 0-12 Lions are getting any breaks from the schedule makers. Not an easy game in sight, with 7-5 Minnesota, 8-4 Indianapolis, 6-6 New Orleans and Green Bay at 5-7...

...As someone who suffered through an 0-9 Pop Warner season as a member of the woeful I.C.Y.P. Giants while a mere lad of 13, I always had a soft spot for those woeful teams in danger of losing all their games. These teams become an easy butt of disdain and its evil cousin derision, all because a group of athletes for whatever reason just can't win a goddamn game. Just. One. Damn. Game...

...Baseball, basketball and hockey teams, because of the sheer number of games played in a season, are never faced with it, but I remember the Columbia University Lions(!) lost something like 44 straight over five seasons around 20 years ago. In the NFL, no one has pulled an 0-fer since the 1976 Tampa Bay Bucs. But that was over a 14-game schedule, so if the Lions lose out, they set an "unbeatable" record for true futility...


...If I had to pick one game for the Lions to get off the proverbial schneid, I'd go with the Packer game, because it seems like a division game is the logical place for a streak like this to end...

...In 1989, the Dallas Cowboys almost went winless in Jimmy Johnson's first year as coach, beating only the Washington Redskins in a 1-15 nightmare of a season that saw Troy Aikman go 0-11 before getting knocked out for the year. It was Steve Walsh, a supplemental first-round pick, who bailed out the Boys and saved them from an avalanche of scorn and its evil twin contempt...

...Dallas went from 1-15 in 1989 to 7-9 in '90 and then 11-5 and the playoffs in '91...

...Last year the Dolphins were as awful as their 1-15 would indicate. This year Miami is 7-5 and still in contention for a playoff spot as we head into the final quarter of the '08 season. Two big differences: Bill Parcels is now running things in the front office, and Chad Penington is behind center...

...Detroit is trying to dig it itself out of the mess that was the Matt Millen Era (31-84 record during his tenure). The first step was trading WR Roy Williams to Dallas for 1st and a 3rd round pick. It won't be the Herschel Walker Trade in terms of resurrecting the franchise, but it's a start in the right direction. Of course, next year's draft picks do nothing to help this year's talent-challenged team...

...Not only were we treated to a rare Vince Young sighting in the Turkey Day Titans-Lions game as he mopped up for Kerry Collins, but from the other sideline came a Drew Henson appearance, the NFL equivalent of seeing a unicorn. Henson, an ex-New York Yankee third baseman, threw his first NFL regular season pass in 4 years. Ironically, his last throw was also on Thanksgiving, in his only start as a Dallas Cowboy in 2004, versus the Bears. Against the Titans, under heavy pressure, Henson threw an absolute laser of a pass to a double-covered Calvin Johnson that could not have been placed any better if it was in a video game. Unfortunately, reality then rudely intruded, with Henson getting sacked and fumbling on subsequent plays. But the Lions are going back to Daunte Culpepper for the Viking game this Sunday, instead of finding out what Henson, still only 28 (or just two months older than Tony Romo), can do as a starter over the last four games...

...Romo and the 8-4 Cowboys are playing for their playoff lives over the next four games, and if they do get into the postseason tournament nobody will be able to say they backed into it. Not with games against the NFL's top 3-ranked defenses in consecutive weeks (Steelers, Giants, Ravens) before closing out on the road against Philadelphia, whose own blitzing style of defense may cause more problems than even those teams ranked ahead of them...

...At 103.2, Romo is the league's highest-ranked passer, after finishing the last two seasons as the 5th-ranked QB (97.4 in 2007, 95.1 in 2006). As a Cowboy fan, I have to believe that God didn't bestow Romo upon us out of nowhere only to have him fall short of a championship. After all, the same thoughtful deity who kindly bequeathed us St. Roger and St. Troy wouldn't be so cruelly wanton, would he? Time will tell, as it always does. That's the best thing about time, as well as the worst...

...If I had to guess, Burress does at least a year in stir, but is allowed to return in either 2010 or 2011. Just not to the Giants, obviously...

...Antonio Pierce, for his part in the incident, does no jail time but is looking at a 4-game or possibly 8-game suspension to send a message...

...As for the last Giant in the drama, RB Ahmad Bradshaw, depending on when and/or whether he knew Plax was packing, may have violated the terms of his probation as a convicted felon who must serve the remaining 30 days of a previous sentence immediately after the current NFL season ends...

....Where the season ends, we know: Tampa. Which teams will be left standing is a little cloudy at this point. And that's why we watch the games: in sports, we always need new heroes and villains...