Removing All Doubt

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

THAT OFT-QUOTED OLD ADAGE, generally attributed to Abraham Lincoln, has never been more relevant than in present day, alarmingly dumbed-down America. But no matter who came up with the saying first, it's a pretty damn good piece of advice, especially if you make a living in politics. And yet so many, from the average John Doe to the increasingly cretinous Joe the Plumber, ignore Honest Abe's sound suggestion and instead feel the need to insert foot squarely in mouth. Here's some verbal drivel of recent vintage...

Jay Severin, Boston area radio talk show host and -- surprise, surprise -- frequent Imus guest:
"So now, in addition to venereal disease and the other leading exports of Mexico - women with mustaches and VD - now we have swine flu ... When we are the magnet for primitives around the world - and it's not the primitives' fault by the way, I'm not blaming them for being primitives - I'm merely observing they're primitive. It's millions of leeches from a primitive country come here to leech off you and, with it, they are ruining the schools, the hospitals, and a lot of life in America. We should be, if anything, surprised that Mexico has not visited upon us poxes of more various and serious types already, considering the number of criminaliens already here."

Republican pundit and McCain campaign insider Samuel Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Plumber:
"I personally still think it’s wrong. People don’t understand the dictionary–it’s called queer. Queer means strange and unusual. It’s not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we’re supposed to do–what man and woman are for. Now, at the same time, we’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children. But at the same time, they’re people, and they’re going to do their thing."

Senator John Cornyn (Rep.-Texas) on the high goals he's setting for his party in light of Arlen Specter switching sides:
"I will tell you that in 2010 we are working very hard to make sure that we have the kind of candidates across the country on a national scale that will allow the Republican Party to regain our status as a national party, and run competitive races in blue states, and purple states, and in red states."

Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann (R-Minnesota) on a pattern she noticed:
"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under Democrat President Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it is an interesting coincidence."

Former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice's almost-Nixonian defense of torture:
"The president instructed us that nothing we would do would be outside of our obligations, legal obligations, under the Convention Against Torture. And so, by definition, if it was authorized by the president, it did not violate our obligations under the Convention Against Torture."

Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez on President Obama banning torture:
“And then...to say that we have now discontinued these techniques, they may be necessary in the future. And by disclosing it, means you take them off the table and they can never be used again. I think that the U.S. government provided advice to CIA interrogators based upon the best legal reasoning by the lawyers in the Department of Justice. Was it torture, when that advice was given? No. Were the interrogations harsh? Yes. Did they save lives? Absolutely ... when I served in the administration, the position of the administration was that under certain conditions and circumstances, this technique would be lawful."

Arlen "The Defector" Specter on why the grass is greener on his new side of the aisle:
“If we had pursued what President Nixon declared in 1970 as the war on cancer, we would have cured many strains. I think Jack Kemp would be alive today. And that research has saved or prolonged many lives, including mine. Now, as the New York Times pointed out in a column today, when you talk about life and death and medical research, that’s a much more major consideration on what I can do, continuing in the Senate, contrasted with which party I belong to.”

Former Republican Congressman Joe Scarborough on why his "ex" party is losing ground politically:
“If you’re mature enough, you realize Barack Obama doesn’t hate America, I don’t hate America — we just have different views of how to make America a better place And if you look at history over 250 years, that’s worked out pretty well.”

Former U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft defining torture:
"The word waterboarding can be defined in a lot of ways. I don't think they got it wrong. It's different now ... Because the law has been changed."

Republican Sen. Richard Shelby of Alabama on the president appointing a new Supreme Court Justice:
"I hope Obama will appoint a pragmatist, someone who is not an ideologue, that someone is not just going to light all the light bulbs in America on the left. I think that would be good for the country."

CNBC's Erin Burnett on the Obama administration eliminating offshore tax loopholes:
"Isn't it your obligation in this country - there is a tax code for a reason, to take advantage of every bit of it you can and pay as little as you can?"

Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi, on his wife making his infidelity and her divorce plans public:
"Veronica will have to publicly apologize to me. And I don't know if that will be enough."