My Favorite Jackson

JUST WHEN IT LOOKED like this was gonna be one of those weekends when money would be too tight to mention, I found a 20-dollar bill in the alley I cut through every day. It was amazing because at the very moment I espied the bill in question, I was engaged in bemoaning my sad state of financial affairs as I trudged along on my way to meeting my brother for a cup of coffee, tea in my case. At first I thought I was just imagining it, but no, it was real all right, the bill sort of folded in quarters so that I wasn't sure of the denomination until I picked it up. I was never so glad to see Andrew Jackson's stern face as I stuffed the 20 in my pocket. Of course, it would have been sweeter to see big Ben Franklin or my homeboy U.S. Grant staring back at me. But at least a man can do something with a 20 spot! Needless to say, the hot caffeinated beverages were on me this morning. I hope the person who lost it didn't miss it as much as I needed it. Either way, you're never too rich or poor not to appreciate finding money.

As I told my brother, we probably all lose or find about 100 dollars over the course of a lifetime. As of right now, I think I'm way ahead, because I don't remember losing nearly as much as I've found so far, which if my theory is correct means I'm due to lose about 60 bucks worth of currency before my final ledger is balanced. Just last year, for instance, I found 15 bucks in the bagel shop I go to all the time. (Oh, that was yours? Sorry, too late.) Suffice to say, this is now my favorite alleyway, just a little shortcut between 35th and 36th Streets if you're wondering. But just think of the timing needed between the loser and the finder of the money and you know why I feel blessed indeed that some higher power is looking out for me. Of course it's probably the same higher power that got me into this mess in the first place. So on second thought...

Then again, things could always be worse, as my dear mother used to say. How about the poor soul who was stomped to death at a Valley Stream, Long Island, shopping mall on Black Friday, run over by a stampede of crazed shoppers hell bent on holiday sales at a Wal-Mart.

"A police statement said shortly after 5 a.m., a throng of shoppers "physically broke down the doors, knocking (the worker) to the ground." Police also said a 28-year-old pregnant woman was taken to a hospital for observation and three other shoppers suffered minor injuries and were also taken to hospitals."

Not one of Capitalism's finest moments, to be sure, or Humanity in general for that matter, but get used to it as money gets even scarcer and people get still meaner:

"Some shoppers who had seen the stampede said they were shocked. One of them, Kimberly Cribbs of Queens, said the crowd had acted like “savages.” Shoppers behaved badly even as the store was being cleared, she recalled. “When they were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling, ‘I’ve been on line since yesterday morning,’ ” Ms. Cribbs told The Associated Press. “They kept shopping.”

If there's a worse, more meaningless way to die, I hope I never discover it...